The Day Of The Poltergeist Pigeon

y parents have a pigeon, but not just any pigeon. This one thinks he's either a dog or a person. The fact that he could be a pigeon has never crossed his mind. He sleeps inside the house at night, but is on his own mission during the day. There are a few things he likes to do:

Help in the kitchen...

Take a bath in the dog's water bowl...

Take a nap with the dog...

Bite your feet...

Help pull weeds...

Take a nap on your lap...

Get pampered...

Have friends over.

When you chase him, he doesn't fly away, he runs away. That is only the days when he is not chasing after you. He also doesn't fly in or out of the house, he walks. When someone is at the front door, he goes and welcomes the guests. He cleans the dogs eyes. He wakes you in the morning when he thinks it's time to get up. He tries to make phone calls, use the computer and make love to your foot. The list goes on. Bottom line, this is no normal pigeon.

Right, getting back to why I am actually writing this. My dad found strange marks on the glass of the sliding backdoor. Upon closer inspection he found this...

The poltergeist pigeon.

First thought of course is stupid bird. But there are other plausible scenarios as well.

1. Instead of just a stupid bird, it could be evidence of attempted forced entry by a criminal bird. Still stupid if you ask me.

2. It could be my parents' pigeon. Only problem? He never flies into the house. Explanations? Maybe he was drunk, or forced by an evil bird, or wanted to commit suicide. But there have been previous opportunities for him to commit suicide if he really wanted to.

Like jump in this pot of steaming soup...

3. The scenario that makes the most sense to me, due to the intensity of the evidence left on the door, is this. It was a poltergeist pigeon. Apparently they are vicious beings that haven't been seen by many people. Their presence can only be identified by the trails they leave behind. Thanks Kate O'Grady for informing me of these undead beings.

Which one it was I'll never know for sure, but my money is on number 3.